What You Want
by The Sweeping Channel
Summary: This is... actually, it's nothing at all. No romance, no lemons, and really nothing that will make you want to read it. But it's HILARIOUS. Did I ever tell you that Ty Lee is on drugs? Or that Azula is a dominatrix? Or that I torture my lovlies in person?


**Yeah... So this is basically anything that you want it to be. It can be funny, sad, or just plain old retardedness. When you read this, you'll be able to tell that I was REALLY bored when I wrote this. Oh, and this is DEFINATELY not the end, I promise. I will even swear on the sacred vow of Humor Writers (-gasp- NOT THE SACRED VOW OF HUMOR WRITERS!!!!!) Story is basically this... saying more would give it away ; )  
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"This is not happening. Sweep!!" Zuko called in an annoyed tone. It wasn't long until he heard the tell-tale, futuristic, hovering sound that signaled the arrival of the pink cloud. It descended through the ceiling. The Sweeping Channel was lounging on it in a red and gold bikini.

"Am I interrupting something?" he asked as he watched the hole, through which she came, shrink into oblivion. She rolled her eyes and smiled good-naturedly.

"I'll take that as a yes-but-I-don't-care-because-it's-you look." he said. She made a face.

"Good guess." she answered. She floated down Zuko's level and sat up.

"I was tanning on the roof, so you'd better have a good reason for interrupting me." She got off, walked up to him and stabbed her finger into his chest. "Or," she continued, smiling seductively, "could it be that the only reason that you called me down here was to say hi…?" she batted her eyelashes at him. He gently pushed her away.

"We talked about this. I'm just not into you like that." he said.

She pouted. "I still can't believe that you're into that _floozy_!"

"I heard that!" Katara called from across that hall from Zuko's bedroom, where the conversation was taking place.

"Could you guys keep it down? I'm trying to catch up on my beauty rest!" Azula asked loudly.

"But Azula!" Ty Lee retorted, twirling into the room. "You're the most beautiful, perfect, and smartical person in the whole wide world!"

"Yeah, and that's why you got your butt kicked multiple times by a moody waterbender, a short, bald kid, and… other people!" Suki argued.

"Oh, come on!" Sokka cried. "Just because I took our relationship a little bit too far last night…!"

"You _violated_ me! How could you? I thought you loved me and that we had something special!" she retorted.

"I am _not_ moody!" Yue yelled, dismayed that someone was challenging her divine perfectness. Suki was about to slap her and tell her that she wasn't the one that the insult had been aimed at and that if she wouldn't stop being a self-centered bitch something was going to happen, when a loud crash of thunder interrupted her. Sweep whirled around and saw Ty Lee standing next to her cloud, which was gray and had angry swirls of black racing through it.

"All I did was touching her…" she mumbled guiltily.

"Meowmeow doesn't like to be touched!" Sweep said angrily.

"I'm sorry!" Ty Lee cried and burst into tears. "She was just so beautiful and pink and poufy and beautiful!"

"You said beautiful twice." Mai commented from the doorway.

"Wahhhhhhhhh! Now I'm a failure at English, too!! And it's not my fault that I have beautiful thoughts!" Ty Lee sobbed.

Now Yue and Suki were arguing, Sokka was trying to stop them, Jet was yelling at him never to break up a catfight, Azula was yelling over all of that, Ty Lee was sobbing, Mai was complaining that she was bored, Zuko was banging his head against the wall, and Sweep was wondering how the hell a quiet conversation could turn into a full blown riot in a matter of minutes with one little insult.

She was considering joining Zuko in his head banging endeavor, when she decided that it would be better if she simply shut them up. So, she did.

"ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT! We are having a family meeting, in the living room, RIGHT NOW!" Sweep boarded Meowmeow, who had turned red to match her owner's anger, and sped out the door.

Ten minutes later, all of the characters were gathered around the coffee table in an oddly precise circle consisting of multiple chairs, couches, and armchairs. Zuko walked in last as Sweep began barking orders.

"Suki and Yue! Stop fighting this instant! Jet, stop flirting with Katara! Sokka and Aang, stop… err… doing whatever it is you guys are doing!" Sokka and Aang were, in fact, simply playing a game of Four Elements, which is very similar to a game in Sweep's world called "Rock, Paper, Scissors, Chute", but from her angle, it looked like they were hammering each other's genital areas.

Zuko, who had taken his place beside his girlfriend (who, at this point was ever-changing. But in our case, Zuko had begun to take a liking to Toph, who had begun to take a liking to being in a costume. Today, she was Cat woman), suddenly noticed that Sweep was wearing one of his oversized t-shirts. He groaned at the loss. He sat down as she gave her final command, to him to stop playing with Toph's tail.

Meowmeow had changed form an angry red to a commanding grass green, and was now slowly fading into a nice teal color. As soon as she saw Zuko settle down, Meowmeow raced over to him, shrunk down to the size of a dinner plate, lowered herself down onto his lap and began to… purr??

"Meowmeow!" Sweep scolded. The cloud turned into a floating, sulky yellow mass as she slunk over to her owner's side.

"It's okay. She can stay." Zuko said, and, almost immediately, Meowmeow had once again regained her rightful position on his lap.

"Don't get too comfortable." he heard Toph mumble, but the glowing pink pouf ignored her.

"You named your cloud Meowmeow?" Haru asked.

"It doesn't matter what I named her!" Sweep snapped. Haru snapped his fingers.

"Oh no you didn't!" he said, insulted. No one said anything, by now used to his aggressive homosexuality. "No one yells at me, girlfriend, and you ain't gonna be the first!"

Sweep looked at him with her patented "bring it on" look.

"Hm." Haru said. "At least my _boobs_ don't hang below my _waist_."

"At least I have boobs." Sweep replied.

"How much did you pay?"

"Well you're just a beep. Now let's move on." Sweep said dismissively.

"No one calls me a beep and gets away with it!"

Sweep turned around to face him. She pulled out a pencil.

"Wh-what are you going to do to me? You're not going to make me straight again, are you? Oh!" he cried, but Sweep shook her pencil back and forth, and finally pointed it at his balls.

A ray of golden light hit him in the nuts. Suddenly, twenty or so bikini girls stood around him holding handcuffs, whips and duct tape. Jet began to drool.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Haru yelled, clutching his head. "Thoughts… are becoming less gay… view on life… more… masculine…" They began to carry him out.

"What are they going to do to him?" Ty Lee asked fearfully.

"And why do they have my torture devices?!?" Azula shrieked. Sweep shrugged.

"It was on short notice, and you were the only one that I could think of that had the things I was looking for." she retorted. Jet opened his mouth to say something.

"No." Sweep answered, before he was able to ask the question that everyone knew he was going to ask. He slumped.

"Now then," she continued, "to begin this family meeting, I would like to ask one question. HAVE YOU ALL GONE INSANE?!?!?!?"

"Yes." Aang pointed out, as Meowmeow peeked back out from under the couch. "I mean, look at us! Mai is depressed, Zuko has anger issues, Ty Lee is always on some kind of drug…"

"That was a RHETORICAL question." Sweep said. Sokka raised his hand hesitantly.

"What?" Sweep fumed.

"What does _rhetorical_ mean?" he whispered.

"… Sokka has a problem with everything in the world and hates everything in the universe that doesn't have to do with females, Katara is always moody and annoyed at every male in the house except me, Jet is a pervert…" Aang continued, as if Sweep didn't say anything at all.

"It means that a question doesn't require an answer." Sweep continued, choosing not to anger herself with Aang's blatant ignorance.

"… Haru is the definition of gay and has the hots for a certain ex-firelord, who is mentally unstable and generally has issues, Azula is a sadistic dominatrix that enjoys seeing people in pain, Toph …"

"You had better not say it!" Toph warned.

"… is a tomboy that pummels everything that gets in her way, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, nationality, skin color, familial and/or marital status, size, or whether or not it is alive…" Aang continued, moving back a few inches.

"Don't make me hit you with my cat ears!" Toph yelled. Aang stuck his tongue out at her.

"I'm bored." Mai complained.

"And how do you spell _rhetorical_?" Sokka asked, happy that his meeting was becoming slightly interesting.

"Wanna make out?" Jet asked her, happy that he wasn't the only one that needed entertainment.

"Whatever." Mai answered, yawning, and puckered her lips.

"Suki hates Yue because she had something with Sokka, and hates Sokka for having something with Yue, _Yue_ hates _Suki_ for having something with Sokka, and hates _Sokka_ for having something with Suki, and Iroh is addicted to tea." Aang finished. "Adding to that, he has a secret thing with his niece because of the certain eccentric… hobbies that she partakes in."

Suddenly, there was a crash in the kitchen, and the broken handle of a teacup rolled out. Iroh poked his head out of the doorway, and looked around angrily.

"Who revealed my deepest secret?" he growled. Aang raised his hand sheepishly. Iroh disappeared back into the kitchen, and resurfaced holding something that looked like a mutilated ice cube tray with many tiny slits in it.

"What the hell is that?" Aang asked, pointing to the strange device.

"IT WILL BRING YOUR DOOOOOWNFAAAAALLLLL!!!!!" Iroh screamed, and flipped it to the side. Twenty or so frozen tea leaves fell into his hand.

"You're going to attack me with tea leaves?" Aang asked skeptically.

"Wrong, small bald one! I am _attacking_ you with _frozen_ tea leaves!" Iroh began to fling the tea leaves at Aang, who dodged them with matrix-like skill. However, no one is too skilled, and one of them hit Aang in the forehead. Iroh watched in horror as his trusty weapon slowly began to droop, and eventually slip down to the couch. Iroh squealed.

"Azula!" he cried, and she looked up from the bug that she was vaporizing with a magnifying glass. "They've discovered our secret! I tried to stop the perpetrator, but all efforts are useless! We have to FLEEEE!!!!" Azula ran up to him and jumped into his arms. Iroh groaned from the pain in his back.

"Take me away, big daddy!" she cried, and Iroh began to limp out slowly.

Everyone watched in silence. Even Meowmeow looked on with purple fascination. After a long silence, Sweep finally cleared her throat. However, before she could speak, a scream echoed down the hallway.

Sweep flinched. Was it Haru? It sure sounded like it.

"Where did they take him?" Ty Lee asked fearfully.

"P-probably to the sp-sports room. They t-tend to t-torture with sports television." Sweep stuttered.

"Do I detect a hint of guilt?" Zuko asked, amused.

"No! Not my Celine Dion CD!" There was a snap, followed by heart-wrenching sobs of anguish. Sweep looked around desperately.

"I… but… but he… insulted…" she stammered, pointing first at the door, then at herself, then at the door again. The sound of an electric razor droned down the hallway.

"No… please… not my moustache… please…" he begged. "That's too close… too close…"

"Stop them!" Mai cried. Everyone looked at her, amazed at the sudden display of emotion.

"I… I mean… I'm bored." she said in her usual monotony.

"Hurry!" Ozai said sarcastically. Sweep looked at the urging stares of her family, and turned to the door.

She swallowed loudly.

"STOP!!!!!" she yelled, and everyone shrunk back at the ferocious sound. Suddenly, a golden, twinkly bunch of twinkles rained down on her. Ty Lee squealed.

"This is the part where the unicorn butterflies come to take me to Wonderful Beautiful Land of Wonderful Beautifulness!!" she said in wonder.

"Who left the medicine cabinet unlocked?" Suki whispered to Katara.

"Azula." Yue answered. "She switched the PAIN: Pain Pills with the Welcome to La La Land Tablets to trick Ty Lee into becoming her victim, but Ty Lee was still high on the last dosage of Welcome to La La land Tablets and got the Welcome to La La Land Tablets, that were disguised in the PPPP, instead."

"What's the PPPP?" Katara asked.

"The PAIN: Pain Pills Pillbox." she replied.

"I'm sorry, but I'm a little uninformed here." Suki commented. "How would Azula's PAIN: Pain Pills trick Ty Lee into becoming her victim?"

"The whole point of the PAIN: Pain Pills is to cause Pain! Whoever took the PAIN: Pain Pills will think that the only way to make the Pain go away is to have more Pain! The PAIN: Pain Pills that are supposed to cause Pain, actually have to reverse effect, and make the person that used the PAIN: Pain Pills think that more Pain would make the original Pain, caused by the PAIN: Pain Pills become less of a Torturous Pain, and more of a Regular Kind of Pain." Katara said. "Understand?"

Suki was very confused.

"No." she answered matter-of-factly.

Yue rolled her eyes. "Look. There are two kinds of Pain in this world. There is the good kind of Pain, the kind that someone wants to have, and there is the bad kind of Pain, the kind that the person doesn't want to have. The whole point of PAIN: Pain Pills is to make the person think that they are experiencing the bad kind of Pain. Then, it starts the illusion that the only way to get rid of this bad Pain, caused by the PAIN: Pain Pills, is through good Pain, which is actual Pain, the kind that no one usually wants to have. Azula profits from this because she is the one that supplies the seemingly good Pain, that is actually bad Pain, but that seems like good Pain because of the PAIN: Pain Pills. Whenever Azula inflicts the good Pain, that is actually bad Pain, but that seems like good Pain because of the PAIN: Pain Pills, there is momentary relief from the bad Pain that is caused by the PAIN: Pain Pills and that is bad one way or another. So, basically, the PAIN: Pain Pills drive the people that have consumed them to the nearest supplier of good Pain, which is actually bad Pain, but is made to look like good Pain by the PAIN: Pain Pills, which is Azula. Azula gets an outlet for her anger, and the people that took the PAIN: Pain Pills are so drugged up, that the only time that they notice that the seemingly good Pain is actually bad Pain, is when the effects of the drug wear off, and their regular sensitivity to Pain is restored."

Suki's eyes were rolling in her head.

"So… confused…" she mumbled. Katara gave Yue a high-five.

"If I ever hear the word 'pain' again…" she said.

"Hey, I like that pain-"

"SHUT UP!!!!!" Suki yelled. Jet stared at her with bewilderment.

"-ting." he finished, pointing at the 1960s portrait of a naked woman. Suki groaned.

"That's what you get for calling waterbenders moody. And for starting something with my brother." Katara said.

"And with my boyfriend!" Yue teased. She turned to Katara. "She started something with your brother, too? What a slut!" Katara nodded.

"I know, right? It was a nasty relationship, too. And when I say nasty…" she started.

"… you mean _nasty _nasty, isn't that right?" Yue finished. Suddenly, there was a sneeze. They turned to where Sweep was standing neck deep in a pile of golden sparkles.

"Can someone turn this stuff off??" she shrieked.

"I can!" Ty Lee volunteered. She pranced over to where Sweep was standing and moved her hand like she was closing an invisible faucet. Immediately, the sparkles stopped. Sweep shook her head.

"I will never understand you." she muttered. Suddenly, the sparkles began to spin on the bottom, to the top, and eventually formed a type of whirlwind made of golden twinkles. It began to lift Sweep up into the air.

"Hey, what the- put me down! Put me down! Aah! Meowmeow, help me!" she screamed, as the mysterious wind lifted her up to the ceiling. She grabbed desperately for the ceiling fan. Meowmeow turned orange, a sign of protectiveness, and zoomed up to where Sweep was clinging to the blades, but was sucked up by the miniature tornado as well.

"AANG!!!" she screamed, and Aang jumped up to her rescue.

"This is the part where the unicorn butterflies begin to carry me away!" Ty Lee cried in anticipation.

Aang grabbed Sweep's leg.

"Use your airbending, man!" she ordered. He groaned.

"I _can't_!" he retorted. "This is the _real_ world, remember? And why don't you just use your magical pencil that can control everything??"

"I didn't think of that! Can you grab it? It's in my left shoe!"

"How the hell did it get there? I thought it was in your back pocket!" he answered.

"Why don't you ask it?" Sweep suggested sarcastically. "Hand it over!"

Aang handed her the all powerful relic. She took it to the best of her ability.

"Pretty whirlwind, spinning round, would you at all mind PUTTING US DOWN?!?!?!?!" she yelled. They began to drift down to the floor.

"What's wrong?" Jet asked, inconspicuously placing his hand on Ty Lee's thigh.

"The unicorn butterflies didn't come." she said, pouting. She leaned towards him. "They're angry." she whispered. Jet reached into his pocket and pulled out a red and black pillbox. He opened it and pulled out a pink tablet with an "L" engraved on it. He handed it to Ty Lee, along with a glass of water. After she had taken the one twenty-seventh of her normal dosage, Jet squeezed her leg a bit harder.

"It's all in your head." he whispered back.

"I think we should go to bed, too." she answered dreamily.

"Jet!" Sweep called. "How many times have I told you not to take advantage of Ty Lee like that?"

"But it's so much fun!" he whined. "And anyway, she doesn't care!"

"That's because she's too drugged up to notice anything!" Sweep argued. But it was too late. Ty Lee was already dragging Jet to the doorway. The Teletubbies theme song was heard long after the bedroom door slammed shut.

Toph chuckled.

"Stupid girls." she mumbled.

"What's wrong with girls?" Yue asked, looking at her angrily.

"I said 'stupid girls', but I understand why you'd be insulted." she answered.

"I am _not_ stupid!" Yue retorted.

"Is that so? Well then, why don't you prove it by counting to ten?" Toph challenged. Yue stared at her in defiance. She stared into space, gathering all of her concentration.

"One," she started, "two, three, four five, six… tan!" she said smugly.

"It's ten, you dipshit." Toph said. She smiled. "Classic moon."

Yue snorted. "How many fingers am I holding up?" she asked.

"I dunno. How many are you?"

"Half!" Yue called triumphantly.

"Well, at least _Sokka _still_ loves_ me!" Toph said, knowing that it hit a nerve.

"But… he… loves me more!" Yue argued, not being able to think of a good enough comeback.

"That doesn't even make sense! And anyway, he loves _me_ more."

"No, me!"

"Me!"

"_Me!!"_

"_ME, BITCH!!!" _Toph yelled. Yue flinched, and both girls turned to Sokka expectantly.

"I… love you… both as friends?" he answered

"Oooh. That's gonna hurt in the morning." Zuko said.

"As friends? As FRIENDS???" both girls shrieked. Sokka put up his hands as the girls advanced towards him slowly.

"I suggest you run." Ozai commented from the sidelines. And Sokka did. Loudly.

* * *

**LOL poor Sokka. I wonder how that's gonna turn out...? Yeah. It's a really bad habit of mine. When I'm bored I just write and see what happens. Most of the time I have to go back and reread because I have NO IDEA what just happened!**

**THREAT**

**Yes, I have to announce my threats.**

**You had better review on this, OR I WILL GET MY PET KRAKEN TO EAT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jk. I'll make sure that the worst he does is nibble on you a bit...  
Then again, I could always just get my army of drugged up plunger bunnies to plunger your guts out and serve them to me on a silver platter... wait. Is that even possible? Oh well. REVIEW!!! -smiling sweetly-**


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